An October Monday

Wood Crafts, Primitives & other Fanciful Stuff ♥

Day of reflection…

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So I get up this morning and spend a fair amount of time reflecting on myself.  When you think about it, at least for me, it was/is quite scary.  I spend my life telling myself I am an artist, musician/producer, engineer, father, husband, friend.  But what is the order?  Is there an order?  For me the order is simple.  My family is the most important thing in my life.  So number one is easy.  But that is where the lines between me get very blurry.  I am very artistic and creative.  But until recently there has not been any real purpose to my artistic side, until now.  I need to put meaning and power into my arts.  Everything I do has a much bigger purpose.  That to me is somewhat scary.  I have always told myself that I wanted to be a “star”…  At one thing or another.  So my artistic side has gone down many, many… paths.  I have always wanted to be that one person that people look up to and wish to be like.  This dream of being a “star” has never gone away…  But it has changed!  Today I realized something, as I sat here at my computer this morning to begin a job search, I was conflicted with some of the things that were brought up in yesterdays blog.  Then it hit me…  Like a huge sack of bricks in the head.  My 14 year old comes in the office, as he does every morning, just to give me a hug and say good morning.  I AM A STAR!  It doesn’t matter what I do, my kids look to me to be their light.  This was/is a huge deal for me.  I have spent so much of my life as a very narcissistic, self-centered, pompous ass…  (For those of you that know me… Shut up right now!)…  I have a light, I have a purpose.  A very long time ago, when my wife and I were first married, she said something to me that really didn’t hit me, I mean I got it… but it didn’t hit me like it did this morning.  And I quote “I don’t care if you are selling hot dogs from a hot dog cart, as long as we are together, I will be happy.”  I always foo foo’d this as what someone says when they are in love.  Until the shit really hits the fan, and the love is still there…  Here we are with the proverbial shit flying readily through the fan, and my wife and kids are right by my side.  All of them wanting more of me…  On one hand, this is really frightening.  I have spent too much of my life worried about me, my life, my career.  I truly believe that they don’t care what I do as long as I get to spend time with them.  For me, I am just rambling…  But it really hit me this morning.  I hope to the Gods that someday everyone finds and sees this purpose in their life.  I just hope it doesn’t take them the 46 years that it took me to get there.

 

Love and light to All…

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Author: Robert Eastin

Robert Eastin is a composer and producer based in North Central Valley California. He has a passion for exploring soundscapes and atmospheric soundtracks, his style ranges from minimal ambient to contemporary scores.

3 thoughts on “Day of reflection…

  1. Pingback: Day of reflection… | Cuisine By Robert

  2. Those sort of moments are the gift of maturity, I think. Some years back I was talking to a young woman -extended family member- she was 21 all set to go off to art school, and at 65i was awash w/ envy. How did she get so wise so young. I have always made art, loved art, wanted to be an artist. But when I was 21I hadn’t the first clue of how to bring that about. No idea where to start. So I had babies instead and had a life filled with challenge, no plan and very little room for art. I did try–but never had the confidence or time to really take my creative life seriously. So I was sitting there mulling this over-envy pumping thru my veins- when it occurred to me that if I started right then- and made my art the major focus of my life from now until I just can’t do it anymore– how would that be?!? Kids are grown and I have a small(extremely small) social security stipend– So I went for it. I’ve been joyously engaged in my work ever since. That’s almost 10 years ago and I’m certain that is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m currently homing in on the completion of a wall hanging that I began 6 years ago. It’s 42″lx20″w and is a Landscape of a place on the Dingle Peninsula (in Ireland) done in embroidery and stump work (that is some of the features are 3 dimensional). There are literally millions of stitches. I gave myself permission to take as long as it required and amazingly I’m still in love with it and the doing of it. It’s the process that gives me joy. I do other things as well-quilts and drawing etc. but my real creative bursts are in the fiber arts. So hurray for reflection and your wonderful family and all the amazing things you and your lovely wife to creatively. I really hope to be able to spend some time w/ you all one day. I live in Portland OR. now and My bro Jim tells me You have family up here. So if you’re ever i’d love to meet you. Good luck with the whole shit/fan thing. Love, Aunt Judy

    • Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you would share this with me. This just reaffirms for me that I/we/us are doing the right things. We will be moving in two weeks to the Bend/Redmond area in the next couple of weeks. I would love to meet you. I also cant wait to see that 6 year project.

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